38 - coming clean
Acting is the ability to live truthfully under the given imaginary circumstances.
—Sanford Meisner
~~~
Had to fend off MKB, he wanted to take over here, wanted to pooh-pooh and demystify. He’s in the throes now, languishing, and I’ve simply moved on, no big deal. So let me doff my cap, not sure, but maybe it’s time, time to distinguish truth from fiction, what’s real from what’s imagined. He wanted to “shout it from the rooftops” but that’s oh so passé.
Quietly, quietly, this evening, Thursday, June 16, 2011 I’m coming clean for him, for me, declaring to all that none of the events I’ve shared here (including what was shared in the three previous books we’ve written together) are actual or real, except for the diagnosis and ongoing treatment for prostate cancer, and the subsequent feelings and sensations undergone as death drew near.
And yes, if you’re wondering, there was a nurse, but none of what I’ve reported here is true. In fact, the nurse made it clear that she wasn't interested. I guess you could say I’ve been lying all this time, but what is that? We all lie to ourselves, yes? C’mon, be honest….
I am sad, but I'm no longer in the throes, that’s MKB’s deal, not mine.
~~~
There’s a fine line separating what's real and the dream—what we’re looking to create, and you have to buck up, the truth is not so easy to manage, and you have to admit it, and you have to love what’s not perfect, love what you can’t change,... and the house lights go down, and the curtain goes up, slowly, ever so, anticipation building, and the stage is empty, and there’s a ghost light not in view, flickering, a strobe effect animating and vivifying, glimpses, glimpses, and it lasts for an eternity, and some can’t bear it, begin to squirm, whispering to their friends, lovers or spouses, WTH and WTF, and nothing’s happening, nothing, just the dark, and a kind of tinky/clicking sound, like the drip-drops of rain from the gutter to the aluminum awning, in rhythm to the flickering light, and there's a stillness, it's loud, and the collective whisper, and the wondering, some go quiet, see that patience is required, that it’s an opportunity to reflect upon and think about (is that the phrase MKB?), then a figure emerges, from the shadows, amidst the flickering, at the rear of the stage, near ominous, like Bergman’s white-faced icon, moving slowly, forward, ever forward, and he’s mumbling, something about detailing the circumstances and conditions, and a question, answer the question, what got you here, give us an honest accounting, and let it be entertaining, or delightful, or intriguing, or a bit of melodrama, give us the whys and wherefores, a bit of history, the narrative line, probe-goad your way into this moment.
Or not…
~~~
My nephew, about to graduate from the renowned Joanne Baron/D.W. Brown Studio in Santa Monica, a studio founded on the principles of the legendary acting teacher Sanford Meisner, has influenced me in a way I could not have fathomed. Meisner’s work and philosophy is the gem in all of this, and the goad to his students, to live truthfully in their given imaginary circumstances, reverberates.
If we see ourselves as an actor in a play of our own making, if we’re viewing ourselves as artists in life no matter what we do, then Meisner's vision has wider application. And if we tweak the Meisner approach a touch, if we see him not as an acting teacher but a profound and lucid philosopher/therapist, then it’s easy to see that his “learning how to act” can be understood as a “learning how to live.”
Consider this Meisner gem: "To be an interesting actor—hell, to be an interesting human being—you must overcome your fears of what people think. In other words, you must be authentic and for you to ever be authentic you must embrace who you really are, warts and all so the real you can show up. Do you have any idea how liberating it is to not care what people think about you? Well, that's what we're here to do because no artist will ever be truly free and blossom into their talent until they rid themselves of all outside opinions and influences."
Artists in life, that’s who we are. I will be spending more time exploring Mr. Meisner's work, and now I begin again, anew, rewriting the epigraph, in my own words.
~~~
Living truthfully comes from learning how to use your imagination, fearlessly and courageously, in any situation or set of circumstances.
Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 5:49PM 
Reader Comments (2)
I read this passage last night, and I kept it up so I could read it again this morning - very glad I did. What an interesting turn, Maxwell.... Poignant and timely. You always are... Much love!
I've got MKB all concerned. He doesn't know if he's coming or going or which end is up. He's along for the ride and hasn't a clue as to where I'm headed.
I am the ride-master who will not cede control.
lmao